::What a beautiful word::
I have spent my time wondering these past few weeks. Will I ever be pretty enough? Will ever be smart enough? Will I ever really be good enough?
Will someone be there for me through everything because that is what relationships really are?
I am all of those things. Sitting her on my couch I look at my lit candle that creates the glow that I love so much, realizing at this very moment that I am good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. I was just with the wrong person. I may have loved too hard. I may have excused the inexcusable. He didn't love me anymore.
LOVE. What a beautiful word. Just 4 letters that can make you fly or break you into a million shattered pieces. But it is worth it. Going through all of that to get here. To feel that love for someone. To want to be with that person and share my life. It was worth it. Falling in love. Being loved. Loving.
I have so many mixed emotions. I am drawn to a life of happiness. I am happy. I see it right there in front of me. All I have to do is give in. Move on. Part of me doesn't know what to do with that though. I've been programmed since I was 17, misunderstanding that passion doesn't just come from someone being angry. Passion can be lovely. Sweet. Gentle. It doesn't have to hurt to be passion. It almost makes me uncomfortable to be so happy moving on. Laughing along. Making plans. Part of me is sad. Why couldn't it have just been me. Why did I deserve to lose?
It is bitter sweet.
Maybe I'll get to fly someday!
Will someone be there for me through everything because that is what relationships really are?
I am all of those things. Sitting her on my couch I look at my lit candle that creates the glow that I love so much, realizing at this very moment that I am good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. I was just with the wrong person. I may have loved too hard. I may have excused the inexcusable. He didn't love me anymore.
LOVE. What a beautiful word. Just 4 letters that can make you fly or break you into a million shattered pieces. But it is worth it. Going through all of that to get here. To feel that love for someone. To want to be with that person and share my life. It was worth it. Falling in love. Being loved. Loving.
I have so many mixed emotions. I am drawn to a life of happiness. I am happy. I see it right there in front of me. All I have to do is give in. Move on. Part of me doesn't know what to do with that though. I've been programmed since I was 17, misunderstanding that passion doesn't just come from someone being angry. Passion can be lovely. Sweet. Gentle. It doesn't have to hurt to be passion. It almost makes me uncomfortable to be so happy moving on. Laughing along. Making plans. Part of me is sad. Why couldn't it have just been me. Why did I deserve to lose?
It is bitter sweet.
Maybe I'll get to fly someday!
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