All thumbs

Its the strangest thing. I hold my thumbs. Usually when I'm nervous or uneasy. Lately I have found myself holding my thumb a lot. Its almost an all day thing. I don't know if I'm doing it because something is bothering me... Or... If it has just become a silly habit. My son Hunter does the same thing. Its cute when I catch him. It makes me laugh. Like Mother, like Son. Its our version of a security blancket.
It ties into my family issues. My "daddy" issues. I haven't seen him in about a year now. Needless to say, I don't care anymore. But there is that gap, a hole, an emptyness. I think that's why I have such a hard time connecting to men emotionally and where my abandonment issues come from. Commitment issues? And it is why I let men walk all over me. Why I'm so passive. Why I held on to love for so long. I'll put the blame on that for now. No pill, counsoling or theropy will move that stone today.